fear of loving

I pretended fending off his touch
with hands tattooed of secret want
to curve in anxious pause
from palm to ends
and sink, enthralled
within his skin
while swimming deep from fringe to fringe
exploring caverns of his form

my pursed lips cursed
in crimson bursts
determined not to quench a throat
constricted with a desert thirst
while want to thrive
within his eyes
left me enraged with self-despise
even as his gentle shower
stole morsels from my weak willpower
and fed the starved mouth of desire
as my thoughts and needs
would not heed me
but instead they chose to bleed me
of resistance as they conspired
to put me on trial and prove me liar

the midnight liquid of his eyes
held stars as bright as silver lightening
intent on striking through a soul
made up of non-sparked upon charcoal
awaiting fire meant to free
the part of me ready to flee...
but my self admission of ignition
was stomped out by fear at the consequence
that comes with sudden acquiesce

but when he caught my breath of butterfly wings
with veiled netting of translucent dreams
his wet tongue stung my fretful flight
from desolation found in forever night
with an ache to soar far and beyond
the littered landscape of bitter longing
and raven clouds of life-long blues
while blushing me a ruby hue
of love much too long overdue

is it giving up
or giving in?
Is to drink of him a sin?
If I indulge, what do I win?
Will my life end, or begin again?

Eventually the choice is made -
I gave him all...
He chose to stay